“So… if all things “are become new,” then why do I continue to wallow in the despair of my old life?
I like how the King James Version puts 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore if anyone be in Christ, (s)he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new!” This means that anyone who now belongs to Christ Jesus has become a new person. Their old life is gone, and a new life has begun!
So why do I at times still feel like the old Brett – as though nothing has changed? Why do I continue to return to those past sins that I drank like water before becoming a new person in Christ Jesus? I thought that by becoming a “new person”, that the former, old version of myself was dead and buried, so to speak. Yet the sinful behavior of my former self seems more alive than ever before. How can this be?
First of all, when I became a “new person” in Christ on 12/16/2006, several things happened all at once in a supernatural way (there is no other way to describe it):
1. For the first time in my life, I was no longer afraid – afraid of what would become of me eternally.
2. I actually felt an oppressive shame for all of the horrible things I was guilty of over decades of selfishness and great apathy towards others.
3. My eyes were opened! What I mean, is that I was able to see myself for the first time as I really was – a horrible, lonely, self-satisfied, narcissistic egomaniac that lacked self-esteem… and who was terribly afraid to die, simply because I had no knowledge of what was beyond this life of four-score and twenty. More than any of this, I saw myself as a totally lost sinner, an enemy of God, Who now totally accepted me as one of His own. Our former, severed relationship was now restored through the blood sacrifice of His One and Only Son. What a Father… What a Son… And now I have the gift of the Holy Spirit to change and make my indelible difference in the world as one of His sons – wherever He leads me.
4. I felt as though a massive burden on my back dropped to the ground and got swallowed up by the earth beneath it. I felt like I could jump 20 feet into the air, I felt so light and free!
5. I wanted to run through the streets of Nashua, NH, to let everyone know that salvation in Christ is real – no drug, sex act, lottery winning or accolades from others would ever come close.
6. I felt invincible. I am now eternally secure in my future with Christ – as a joint heir with Him and the myriad saints who have gone before me. To meet Christ and look into his eyes and then run my fingers through his beard; to meet Paul, Jacob, King David, and the martyrs of faith, like 17-year old Margaret Wilson, who in 1685 was staked beneath a warm summer sky to the banks of the Blednoch Burn – which fills with Solway from the sea when the swift running tide comes in. Her only crime was to love Jesus, yet as the waves dashed over her head, even some of the King’s soldiers held it above the waters begging her to “repent” by denying Christ in lieu of acknowledging their English king as god. Then, out of impatience, these soldiers thrust her head beneath the waves, pulling it up again to screams from the shore: “Oh sister! Pray for the King!” But Margaret responded, “Lord, give them repentance, forgiveness and salvation if it is Your will.” Then Grierson of Lagg, in a wild, impatient passion replied, “Damned b***h, we do not want your prayers” and he supervised the death of this virgin martyr of only 17 years. Where does such strength come from in the face of death? You think this is fantasy? This is documented history, folks. Where can anyone find such faith today? I dare say, you’ll not find it… certainly not among our youth.
7. I forgave EVERYONE who hurt me, and believe me – I’ve been hurt by many, even to the point of taking my own life – now THAT’S hurt, folks! Yet, I actually sought THEM out! All I wanted to do was share the Gospel with them – I no longer cared about any of the pain that they intentionally inflicted upon me – all I wanted to do was share with them what I was experiencing myself. I wanted to see them become a new person in Christ, as I myself had miraculously become.
8. The reason why my old sins seem “more alive” to me now, is that when in the past I did not consider them ‘sins’, now I am so ashamed of them, even to the point of death. In the past, these sins were not “sins” – they were as meaningless to me as drinking a cup of water, but now I am very much sensitized to them, and I do not accept them, and I want to put them to death forever, which Christ has done by His work on the cross. All of my sins – past, present and future – are forgiven by God Himself. He says that He’s taken my sin and separated it all as far as the east is from the west. He says that He even purposefully casts a mist over my past so the He can no longer see it. How willing He is to restore our relationship! If we die without taking His invitation to live forever, then try finding a bunk as close to satan as you can. At least you’ll be warm and toasty.
So why do I continue to return to old sins? Does this mean I am no longer a “new person in Christ”?
We need to define what a “new person” means. What this means is that we have taken on a new behavior, a new attitude and a new desire to change. We are going to continue to struggle with the sins of our youth – I have sins and temptations of 40 YEARS that I need to contend with. The difference now is that I KNOW what these sins are, and now my behavior, values and morals are encouraging me daily to put to death these old sins. The ONLY way that I can have any success in this is:
1. IMMERSE myself in God’s word every day.
2. Meet with Him DAILY in prayer – get to know Him! He is 100% for me.
3. Deny my past appetites, and using #1 and #2, ask Him to reach my potential as an image bearer of Christ, as a MAN, for if I do, I am in good company.
He will continue to work His will in us whether we live a short life or a very long life. Make each day count, for we just don’t know how many days we have left to make a difference in the lives of our friends, family, but more importantly, believe it or not – our enemies.
Blessings,
Brett