Let’s Try to Get Along
The Bible is full of great tips and instruction to help us get along with one another. Why? Well, because since the Fall, it has been in our nature to be at war with one another, and we will be in this struggle until we each take our last breath. As Christians, the burden is upon us to be a light to the darkness of the world as it struggles in its enmity against God. We’ve seen this behavior in a full mode of attack over the last few years, where the USA – founded on Biblical principles – is becoming more and more antagonistic against the Bible, the Church and Christians. Yet, we as Christians need to get along with people all around us. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men”. The implication of this verse is that it may not always be possible to live with others in peace, but we are always expected to try.
Every day there will be someone (especially our most beloved) who are going to push our buttons, either on purpose or unintentionally, but we are still instructed to try to get along, and not use contentious situations as an excuse to disrespect others. Even when there are times when we need to make a stand and deal with others in a firm way, the Bible clearly instructs us to speak with love and respect. As I mentioned in a previous blog, it is OK to be angry, but SIN NOT (Ephesians 4:26). In fact, “Be angry and sin not… AND do not let the sun so down on your wrath…” We have the responsibility – insofar as we are able, or as the situation provides – to respectfully and lovingly work out our arguments and difficulties before we even go to bed.
Ephesians 4:15 reminds us to speak the truth in love… Proverbs 15:1 tells us that a soft answer turns away wrath… Colossians 4:6 says that we should let our speech always be seasoned with grace. For the unsaved, we should respond to them in a way that will make them want to know more about the Lord. For believers, we should be even more diligent to love, respect and endear each other to the One who is Love Himself, namely Christ Jesus.
Though Matthew 18 can be applied in many situations, it very clearly instructs believers on how to deal with quarrelsome issues among our own ranks. If we apply #1 above, by being respectful to the one who we believe is causing trouble, then we go privately to the one with whom the problem is. We don’t gossip and blab it to others, making the problem worse and more widespread, but we quietly go in private. If (s)he won’t be reasonable with a Biblical response, then we take a couple of people with us whom we trust so that you can establish the facts, and help avoid the debacle of a “he said, she said” rabbit hole. Finally, if the issue cannot be resolved, don’t continue to take matters into your own hands; involve the leadership of your Church. Not only is there wisdom in the council of many, but there is also safety in working through the issue with trusted leadershi, but watch out! They may also find out that you have some skin in the game, and that you also need to acknowledge your own faults in order for there to be repentance and a full reconciliation. Matthew 18:15-17 is the rule in such situations, but also check out Proverbs 11:14 and 24:6.
3. Sleep On It:
An argument involves two parties and each party firmly believes that they are in the RIGHT. The sobering reality is that only one party is in the right, and it takes tact to know how to deal with the party that is in the wrong. Pick your battles. Know when to walk away and let sleeping dogs lies. Better yet, just sleep on it. This isn’t taking liberty to walk away from it, it’s intended to buy you some time. Prayer takes time. Researching the scriptures for wisdom and advice takes time. Speaking to others you trust for guidance takes time. Bottom line – don’t react without all of your ducks in a row, and don’t allow this situation to spoil your relationship with the Lord, since He is the One who purposefully ordained this diffcult challenge for you personally, and from before you were even born. He is watching.
There are some situations – so tied up in emotion, lies and slander, that only God can fight for us on our behalf – as He did for David when he faced the giant, Goliath, and later when he was oppressed unjustly by his own King (Saul). David had the wisdom to know when it was time to fight and when it was time to walk away and allow God to handle the problem. We need to remember this!
Sometimes a person will take out their frustration and anger out on you when you aren’t even the problem! Perhaps they misinterpreted a look in your eye. Maybe they expected you to behave in a way toward them that didn’t meet their expectations. This is not a burden for you to bear. The problem may be with them. For instance, someone greets you with a smile one day, but the next day they avoid you with a frown. Don’t take such situations personally – don’t forget that other people go through the same kinds of troubles that we go through day by day. Perhaps they just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or they lost money in the stock market, or they just don’t feel well. Do not read into it. Let it slide. You may have even represented something of a Christian reality that convicts them, or that they just don’t like. Do not take these conflict spersonally. If you do, YOU are the ONLY one who is going to suffer, and suffer for no sound reason based on fact – only on suspicion, which is one of the devil’s greatest ingredients of sowing discord among Believers.
Before dealing with the problems in others, we must take a good look at ourselves, how we are living as Believers and where we are in our own personal relationship with the Lord. Matthew 7 gives us a great illustration to think about with folks who have a log sticking out of their eye attempting to criticize another person who has a tiny speck of dust in theirs. The one with the large piece of wood tries to ignore their own problem while dealing with the problems of others. Don’t be that person. Go to God and deal with your own faults before you try to correct others. When you humble yourself before God in confession then you will more gently handle the situation that you are in with the other person.
In the end, you are accountable to God for your own actions. You cannot control what the other person thinks or does, but you can control how you respond. You may tend to feel like you are are your own, but don’t forget – they are accountable to God too. He sees everything, even when you cannot. God will hold you responsible for the way you act towards them. Paul admonishes us in Romans to realize that we are individually responsible for our actions and to not intentionally cause others to stumble and fall before the Lord. Don’t forget Romans 14:10-13 and Proverbs 28:13 too.
I once thought, “why pray? Doesn’t the Lord know what I’d pray for anyway”? 1 Corinthians is a book of conflict. Paul was having to deal with problems in the church, but he starts the book by saying he is praying for them. He certainly gave them the correction they needed, but he began with prayer. He then closes the book by asking for God’s grace on the Corinthian believers. Don’t forget Matthew 5:44, 45 – if we are expected to pray for our enemies, then how much MORE to pray for our brothers and sisters, who we will be enjoined with forever in the Celestial City!
Realize that ignoring a problem won’t make it disappear. The Apostle Paul had a disagreement with his mentor Barnabas. These two men could not avoid a conflict, but they were able to deal with their conflict by agreeing to disagree on the issue. The Bible does not say who was right or wrong in the argument – it just says that they split up. Interestingly, Paul later wrote that he wanted the young man John Mark (the cause of the conflict) to join him in the work because Paul could see he was profitable.
Bottom line – love your neighbor as yourself. Love your enemies in a way to woo them to Christ. Love your fellow Believers, since you will behold their unpolluted faces in eternity, and they, yours.
Blessings!
Brett Gordon